Recreating Our Lives

When I accepted the position as Executive Assistant to the President of the most powerful health organization in the World, the National Health Federation (NHF) (www.thenhf.com) and then became the Membership Director it demanded a completely new focus of my already full life. It was a call to lighten the ballast to increase my speed and efficiency and sail fast and unencumbered toward a far horizon, one that embraced the whole World.

NHF, which focuses on protecting and maintaining health freedom (think: the RIGHT to take your supplements and not be forced to drink fluoridated water….) is a natural fit with Adytum Sanctuary’s health promoting, anti-chemical/contaminant philosophy. However, adding ‘one more straw’ to an already packed day threatened to break the proverbial camel’s back; I’ve admittedly struggled for balance for a few months even dreaming of heavily laden camels in the process! It’s time to recreate my life.

The high season is past at Adytum. I am retreating into the nurturing atmosphere of this sacred space to restructure and redefine my burgeoning life. We are called to reinvent ourselves over and over. Birthing the transformation of a life requires release. In order to expand, we must first empty ourselves: our minds of limitations and our environment of impediments to growth.

This destiny race is navigated by shedding continually, dumping the ballast so that the things we need to help us expand can easily find us. Letting go is an act of faith and expectancy of heart. It is the life of a child who shape-shifts and discards the trappings of prior forms year after year evolving into full potential, destiny and purpose.

Picasso wisely notes “The first half of life I spent learning to be a man. I will spend the last half learning to be a child.” Children travel light, live in expectancy and welcome each successive incarnation. We are all perpetual children, ever becoming.

Each one of us has a full life, feels a lack of time and has ever changing interests. We buy the DVDs to learn Spanish and then find we really would rather take cello lessons. We take cello and find that we ultimately need to use that time instead to stay fit. Finding our highest priority inside competing desires and demands on our time is vital.

We can’t do it all…It seems at times everywhere we look there are piles of unfinished work and projects. Fragments of our interests and passions mount up around us. Time to stabilize. Activities can be declined. Priorities are determined and things can go undone. Possessions can be thrown away or given away.  One passion can morph into a more compelling one…

Creating order by traveling lighter through this life…releasing so what we need can come…this is key to our evolution - to doing and having more in life.

We all know too what happens when we begin to give things away…what we really need comes rushing back in to take its place as nature abhors a vacuum – things begin to refill very quickly - and the evolutionary “growth by shedding” cycle starts all over again at some point in the near future.

The law of entropy is hard to wrap my head around. One explanation says, “The energy form of a system that relates to its internal state of disorder; high entropy levels are disordered states, low entropy levels are characteristic of ordered states”. Entropy in general is based on the second law of thermodynamics. It’s about cutting through chaos and getting somewhere fast.

The way my brain sees it: things trend toward disorder like my closet. We can jump in…create a little more chaos and disorder for a time…and magically out of it comes greater order- lower entropy levels.

 “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche. 

The dancing star is you and I; it’s our dreams, our destiny, and our ever evolving potential. Ultimately it is our fulfillment, joy and gift to the World- why we are here. We just have to keep persistently dumping ballast, steering through the chaos to find the meaning and order…or less disorder at least. .”   We provide the push and usher in each new form life presents us with… or we don’t and we live in increasing chaos that births no stars…we’ve been witness to those sad lives.

There is one area on any given day that I can sort through and bring into order that will release my sails and set me skipping over the waves again. Today it’s my closet- which houses a large part of my identity. It seems a highly significant place to start as I embrace the next shape shifting evolution with childlike enthusiasm.

One of my first natural healing mentors, Dr. Richard Shulze, calls this ordering “trashing”. My sailing friends think “ballast”. Either way, traveling lighter is going to present our next evolution to us faster than anything else.

Possessions that are not relevant to whom we are today, activities that don’t directly relate to our newly expanded life, negative words coming from certain people…out they go. We don’t have the time, interest or energy to be caretakers for things from our youth, things that don’t fit our bodies or our minds, and certainly not things – or people - that have a negative association about them. Everything carries an energetic signature. Make sure the forces that confront you are going to propel you forward and not mire you down in the past or make you doubt yourself and the path you’re on. If they can’t all be tossed out, they can be relegated to their proper place, time and energy allocations.

A few hours later and a few bags full of some truly good stuff that I will release, I feel better. The air feels lighter as if a psychic breeze blew out years of stagnancy. I am more focused, have greater clarity and determination to welcome all the great new things that are coming my way, even if they do come with a steep learning curve.  

Trashing is a ritualistic, symbolic step of faith initiating the invitation for more appropriate things to rush in to fill this space and the spaces within us. This is nothing new to any of us. Sometimes we just need the invitation or the reminder. Trashing works. We pare down and work again on primary goals- what we want now.

It is the last quarter of the year. Like you, I have accomplished much and even added some things I didn’t even think would ever appear in my life or on my goal list. What I was interested in February and never pursued is now in the bag for charity. We don’t have to remain emotionally committed to passing interests. If we just stay open and look for God’s leading in our lives because we have actively asked Him to lead us, then we can trust that exactly what we need will come to us, exactly when we need it.

I like to keep some visuals in my closet area that keep me focused, grounded and aware of what is important to me. It’s an old Feng Shui principle; we attract more of what is in our line of sight; we combine with it. We become what we behold. Some of my visuals: a few books with titles that speak to me like Florence Scoville Shinn’s, “The Power of the Spoken Word” reminds me I create my life with my word.

I use art that captures my philosophy in this intimate space: a Heron which somewhere along the way became my personal symbol for becoming all I can be; “writing the novel of my life” and actively co-creating my life with God. Since faith has so much to do with creating out of nothingness, Ex Nihilo, I also have a framed quote from Hebrews 11:1, “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  And, to balance my serious bent, Mickey Mouse sits there reminding me every day to lighten up, smile, laugh and become increasingly more childlike. So as I dress, I subconsciously absorb my chosen focus: use my word carefully, believe and be a child at heart.

Since my path is a path of service, my life is not my own. When it enlarges suddenly, God is asking if I’m ready to use more faith and believe that together, we can create a life that can touch even more people. I’m on high seas, out of my comfort zone for sure with increasing responsibilities. That’s where faith comes in. Fear-filled thoughts and limited thinking, like wondering if we will have enough time and energy, must be tossed out as so much ballast. God will channel the next evolution of our life through us, a clear and open vessel. Just embrace what is on the horizon and steer a steady course for it knowing we will have enough time, energy and wisdom to reach it. Have faith and like Mickey reminds us, enjoy the journey!

When I choose to leave a few empty shelves in my closet, it symbolizes faith to me: faith that the things I need for life, for happiness, for fulfillment and for my unfolding destiny for the glory of God will come to occupy the unseen space I create for them out of nothingness. Maybe they are people that come to fill my life and my heart. Maybe they are tasks. Maybe they are possessions to enjoy or caretake for a time. Our lives are a thin veil, silken strands through which flow all these things. Nothing is ours to hold, but only to be grateful for while we enjoy it for a time. Each is a transformative gift that births us into our next form, the child that never stops ‘becoming’…

On My Knees

The pack and I are just in from a walk over our land, 19 degrees and even lower with wind chill; record lows for February, and me an ex-California girl determined not to let it deter me from connecting with nature this early morning... The Farmer’s Almanac was right again predicting this late February freeze. The intense cold lingers in my face, bracing and tingling my cheeks. Frozen fingers start to bring my longing for warm earth to the page. Despite the cold, we walk the land twice daily. The need to connect with our own land several times a day has become the same as our need to connect many times a day with each other and with God. The relationship, actually, is quite one and the same in many ways.

The Pacific Northwest Garden Show and the one in Portland is this weekend. We will step into the fantasy world of gardens in full bloom tomorrow in hopes of getting some food for the soul and inspiration for creating as well as practical education. After my friend gave me the book “One Magic Square” we’ve been more adamant than ever to provide more of our own food and to make compost bins that actually turn garbage into soil and not just food for nocturnal scavengers to go through.

Lolo Houbein tells dramatic stories in the book about her own near starvation experience in the last world war, ending up at 75 pounds. Supply lines were cut off and those that had land for gardening survived, those that didn’t have them didn’t fare so well. The wise had saved seeds from prior harvests, committed to growing their own food and had a few chickens for eggs and fertilizer.

Monsanto is now responsible for 94 percent of all GM (genetically modified) seeds planted around the world. Houbein writes, “To have the world’s staple food crops narrowed to so few varieties, and to have ownership of practically all commercial seed for these major crops in the hands of one corporation is an unprecedented and frightening situation – especially when you know that this company is also developing the technology for terminator seeds.” Terminator seeds are genetically programmed against reproduction. Once their pollen mixes with crops they will endanger their seed producing capability. This is a disaster of major proportions.

We’ve spent 4 years building the castello (little castle) Adytum and slowly clearing land adding herb and vegetable gardens, fruit and nut trees. This year our focus on the land will intensify. Our commitment to securing and maintaining our own seed bank of non- hybrid, non GM seeds will increase. We are actually considering getting some chickens for eggs as well as to use the mountains of compost our vegetarian kitchen produces every day. We have plans to add a greenhouse, if we can locate one that won’t end up in town when the high winds descend on our hill. We are, in a word, committing: to be responsible for more of our own food production, to be here to take care of the land and animals that will help us to achieve our goals of increased self-sufficiency and to increase in respectful stewardship of what God has given us to watch over and cultivate.

I have read a book many times now called “Monastic Gardens” by Mick Hales. While not from the Catholic tradition ourselves, there are many things that we’re striving to recreate from the monastic lifestyle at Adytum. Hales describes the monks and nuns as “radiating an intrinsic happiness that most of us would envy” despite their monasteries being literally overwhelmed by visitors. Their happiness and ability to handle stress stem from their connection with the land and God. “We are striving for humility in our lives, to draw closer to our God. It is not an accident that the humus or the soil comes from the same word. It is the base from which everything grows. Gardening and my spiritual life go together.” They pray while they work and often on their knees for both activities so central to their lives at the monastery.
Oswald Chambers, one of my favorite deep spiritual mentors shares, “Interest is natural, attention must be by effort. One of the great needs of the Christian life is to have a place where we deliberately attend to realities. That is the real meaning of prayer.”

In the sacredness of the garden, even the humble vegetable garden amidst the dirt, weeds and worms, it becomes an oasis of prayer and a place to restore oneself ~ a place of deep serenity. Kneeling before young seedlings, teasing out the weeds, fingers plunged into the warmth of the earth and breathing gratitude and thankfulness to God, spilling out concerns and fears, whispering desires and dreams all flow together in one harmonious whole. There is no division here of work and spiritual life. That is a model for each of us however we spend our days. Spirituality is not for the weekends alone.

I get more praying done while walking the land than I ever had anywhere else. In the original model, God walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day in the Garden of Eden. Walking and talking with God are as natural as breathing; kneeling in prayer before God in church, kneeling before Him in front of the green beans while weeding…it is all one and the same.
We receive our life from the land, the soil, and the plants we nurture there by our careful attention. We receive our sustenance from God in the same way: by careful attention “attending to realities” breathing out our requests and thanks to God and receiving life for our spirit and soul in return from both in their own ways.

Adytum has always been about creating the surroundings that would encourage living a life dedicated to spiritual development, deepening our connection with God and the land. It was interesting for me to discover in the Monastic Gardens book that a retreat house for guests was always built directly after the main chapel building. Early monasteries were expected to provide hospitality for those passing through, pilgrims on the way. They also provided havens where guests could come away from the world as well, to be silent, to think and meditate, to reconnect with nature, with God, with their own selves and the loved ones in life. That is the heart and soul of Adytum’s purpose and the feedback from guests is confirming that our intention, breathed aloud in the construction of this sanctuary, has been fulfilled. I have heard the word “reconnect” from guests over and over.

Donn and I are trying to be the best servants we can: of the land by exercising intelligent stewardship and for our guests treating them as we would treat the Lord Himself were it Him staying at Adytum for the weekend. I love the verse in Hebrews 13, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” Now that lends an exciting element to our position as hosts! Now we get to wonder if anyone under Adytum’s roof is actually extraterrestrial!

Additionally, the Benedictines Hales studied took a vow of stability with the land. They stay with one piece of land their whole lives. I love that concept reflecting commitment, care, nurture and enjoyment. Isn’t that exactly the element present in marriage and in our relationship with God and care of our own selves?

The Benedictines realize the importance of having a balance in life between the body, the soul and the mind. “Working with the plants, one gets to know their essence and understand that they are not just a commodity. The gardener becomes rooted to the ground, which is part of God’s creation…This is why we have to revere everything in the earth.” We agree a thousand percent. Monks hold respect for the soil as an essential element of God’s creation. Soil becomes us. We again become soil in the circle of life. Abe Lincoln said he was made of the field behind his house. Humbling… He also said that the footprint of the owner is the best manure. Footprints laid down in walking meditation and prayer, better still.

We have been dedicated to organic and green methods at Adytum from the beginning, unwilling to use chemicals, pesticides, herbicides or to pollute the ground water insofar as we’re able. Everywhere you dig on the nearly 16 acres will yield shovels full of earthworms. I can feel the life of the soil under my feet as I enjoy connecting with the land many times a day, regardless of the weather.

We have also, like the Benedictines, cultivated a profound awareness of the birds and animals that share this sacred mountain with us. This used to be called Birley Mountain. It was an impassable tangle of Himalayan Blackberries, Salmon berries and forest. We have slowly carved out pathways, preserving habitat with vegetation by steams and brush piles for birds, insects and small mammals to protect them from the ever present raptors, the hawks and birds of prey.

Each time a tree was removed to allow Adytum to rise, we gave back by creating a feeding station and putting up nesting boxes. I’ll never forget meeting an adorable little owl in Gatlinburg, TN at the home of infamous day trader Dennis Bolze, who was hurt when the tree he nested in and called home was cut down and he hurt himself falling out. We met him with an eagle and a hawk who had both suffered injuries at the hand of man and would be cared for the rest of their lives in a sanctuary.

We must cultivate more awareness. Even with my own brush-hogging, using my little Kioti tractor to eradicate the persistent berry vines between plantation Fir and Alder, I nearly destroyed a beautiful nest full of tiny, speckled brown eggs that some industrious bird had woven suspended between the strands of two bracken fern. Never again will I try to clear land without considering the nesting season and realizing some birds build incredibly close to the earth.

We have gotten very clear direction about how to proceed with the management of the house and land here at Adytum. That direction just happens to align closely with the model set by the Benedictine community and we embrace it as a sustainable way of life for us, our guests and the land. We are cultivating a life on our knees, literally and on the knees of our heart as we seek to practice the presence of God here no matter what we’re engaged in or day of the week it is. There is no separation from us and God, or us and the land; we are all flowing harmoniously, feeding and being fed, nurturing and being nurtured, sustaining and being sustained in spirit, body and mind.