The Ugly Frugality of Time by Katherine A. Carroll, NTP, Associate Editor, Health Freedom News

Frugality. We view this as such a virtue. But frugality with minutes, with time given, is such an ugly frugality indeed; a wasteland, a desert, an empty well promising much and delivering little. Like all hoarding, it is not rewarded.

Only when we open our purse and let money flow does more come. Stagnation via hoarding stops the supply.

Only when we give of ourselves by giving the time of our very lives, the stuff our life is measured by, is more given in more meaningful ways. Measuring life in the miserly frugality of time is to be destitute in the rich quality of all that time holds. For time freely given holds a depth and a return reward attainable to those who understand this.

The impact on those on the other side of the “exchange” of this frugality? Marginalization… Patronizing…not listening to what is being said but thinking of what is next either mentally in response or in the agenda; already seeking to get this time over with to move into that time. In the day of the iPhone head-tilt, where time is diluted and distracted by so much informational competition we can’t possibly take it all in in the stream of fast-flowing info-bytes, shared time becomes a scarce commodity as it’s given over to virtual-World time. Eye contact is more precious than we imagined. Thoughtful listening before the answer is formed a prize to attain to. Instead, ready to launch like a rocket upon command at the first pause or usually, interrupting, these mark communications and create a loss in communion.

Despite many talking about living in the now, “there is only this moment,” this is the essence of not living in the now but thinking future always. The practice of mindfulness teaches us this. Watch your thoughts for just a few minutes and you will see; many people are not inhabiting the present moment because we are already planning where we are heading next. And those on the other side of the divide of frugal-time-begrudgingly-given are actually being victimized at a profoundly core level and are much aware of the destructiveness of these types of miserly interactions. Whether distraction or patronizing and fulfilling a “duty” prevail in these communications that lack communion, there is a stringy quality, very thin and threadbare, that leave these interactions which should hold richness, meaning, and deep connection bereft, heartless, void or at minimum, a thin veneer over what could have been, should have been….those damned unspoken heart-longings and expectations unmet.

    To stand across the great divide of wanting more time and the same being doled out with the frugality of a rice-gruel in war time is to be aware of the value of time given. It is to be cherished if and when we find the exchange with our God, ourselves, and others. Of all the focus of our life, time holds the most value by far and the energy we bring to this time allotted whether to our God, our selves, or to others is the most nurturing and soul-satisfying.

     For some, time is the medium that equates most with love and true compassion, concern, caring, and interest. For some it is gifts. Gary Chapman’s 1995 book, The Five Love Languages, reveals the basic languages of love- of feeling loved- and for each of us it may be different in how we wish to receive love-energy and how we must learn to give it in the right “language” so the other can “hear” and “feel” it. Touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, time….maybe we even relate to several of these when we feel loved. For me, it is time and words. Love me in any other way and it is wonderful but not transformational, magical, and supremely satisfying as quality time- not duration- and word-gifts are to me.

       To interpret love as “time” and to face a frugality of this highest need, to endure the diminishment of it in one’s expectations and then in one’s actual experience and more so compounded as time passes, is to live inside of a cave when a mansion is nearby and vacant. Soon we learn that humans will let us down and the only way we can really experience true love is from our Father, our God who is never lacking in any of the ways of showing love. In the final analysis, we are all alone with our Creator so the sooner this deeply loving relationship is embarked upon and nurtured, the better. That way we are not looking outside of ourselves for the basic needs of being human, but within.

It is really about faith and trust. I can't tell you how many very ancient people are still saying, "I don't have time to...." and usually it hinges back on needing to do tasks. Tasks and errands and the endless to do list make for a sparse life.

        Industry, Ben Franklin-style (who was a mentor of mine in my 20s) and the American work ethic (well, what is left of it before we became a welfare nation/nanny state) must be balanced with investments in our God, in others, and in ourselves or what is life for but to work hard so another can reap the fruit of all our labor (whilst neglecting everyone, even ourselves...) when we die. These things all take time.

             Frugality of time leads to not carving out a place in others' hearts. We live on there, you know, in many hearts hopefully.  A false time-thrift, while we take care of endless business or waste time in senseless activities, leads to oblivion and not being remembered. But most of all frugality of time means that everyone was shortchanged in the present and into the future when they reflect back on us when we are gone (even while we are yet living in many cases).

            We must have faith and trust that when we feel overwhelmed and pressed and burdened with too much for any one human to possibly do (and I have three jobs, and little help, so I know what I speak of) that our schedule will flow with a supernatural ease and that as we give time to people and concerns and causes outside the narrow scope of our lives that more time will come rushing back to us, or the maximizing of such time, to fill the void we have created. Emptying...always emptying and pouring out so that we might have more. Recognizing we have failed and desiring to change is the first step. Leaving this new demand and burden when we feel overwhelmed already at the feet of the Master is the next step. Then be ready to participate in a new Grand Adventure, rich with moments and memories.

This mastery of time, of time management and time invested, may take a lifetime like any virtue worth acquiring. As Michelangelo patiently and wisely said, “I am still learning.”

(c) 2015 Katherine A. Carroll, All Rights Reserved

Birthdays are Between You and God By Kat Carroll

                The celebration of our birth is different from my viewpoint than how it’s currently celebrated. This viewpoint wasn't inculcated into me by any religion. It is my own conception. God is our Creator. Every year I ask Him what He’s going to give me for my birthday. He’s my Father. Dads like to spoil their little girls. Every year He faithfully answers me- boom, right into my heart/mind/ear. This year, at age 54, he tells me, “Humility.” It’s always something like this. It’s never material. Since I’m His daughter, who needs material? We own the Universe. He’s interested in working eternal qualities that will create a treasure of a person more than He’s interested in possessions.

                God gives word-gifts that turn into the treasure of the expansion of a person, leading to their greater evolution. Maybe that’s why word gifts like cards, especially when written in, have always been so powerful for me. Words are things. We view them as some vapor emerging from our breath but really at their heart, words are tools. Words create, like my Creator Father and the Word- Jesus created "by the word of His mouth." So He gives me words that encapsulate qualities and characteristics that will be created in my heart and reflected in my life year after year. This is actually more important than a little girl's pony or a party or presents…

                One of my favorite quotes is from Rumi, “World power means nothing. Only the unsayable jeweled inner life matters.” This is it. The inner treasure created by the investments year after year of qualities and characteristics into the “self” or the essence of a person.

                A birthday at its best needs to honor the existence of the person celebrating. It needs to honor their existence and the way their being on Earth changes things. I never understood the celebration of life for dead people. It is called a funeral. They are dead. Birthdays are a celebration of a life. It is active acknowledgement and gratitude for a life while the person is alive. Birthdays aren't really just about wishing all their dreams come true. In the final analysis, birthdays as they are celebrated today were most likely created for marketing just like Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day, and all the other holidays we feel compelled to get out there and spend some money on. I want to celebrate a life with a more thoughtful approach.

                At the heart of birth day- it is gratitude that a person called by the name of the birthday boy/girl, man or woman, etc. exists. Just as we deflect all things to the Father not claiming the credit for ourselves- the good that moves through us, a channel,  in particular- so a birthday needs to be deflected back to the One whom allowed it to come to pass.

                 My own birth was a miracle from conception on. It is an incredible story and I'm amazed I survived it. Clearly there was much opposition to my coming into this World/experience. So the celebration of my life needs to return to the One who made sure it succeeded.

                It would be nice, even wonderful to know that people valued my existence here. But since I already own the Universe I have no need of anything really. I am the daughter of a very great King…What is important to the Creator/King is to know that His work, His creation is an open channel to bring his Kingdom to a greater expression in this World.

                Maybe that’s why He’s given me such an interest in warfare both spiritual and physical. Surely, there is enough evil here to convince anyone that we are in a battle; we are not in peacetime. My life and the celebration of my life continuing and surviving, is for one reason: to advance the Kingdom of my Father who shapes me with His word gifts. He’s allowed me to live another year. Sometimes against all odds. 

                This year a Mac Truck crossed the center line into my lane. I had a mountain to swerve into. There was no time for fear. My death looked me literally right into my eyes before he swerved away and fortunately not tipping over in the radical movement. I get to live another year. Why?

                I do my part. Each of us should. We occupy sacred ground; the sacred space of our humanity inside of a body. The magnificence of a European Cathedral in its glory of arches and flying buttresses is nothing compared to the majesty of the human spirit. The Kingdom- the Adytum- the sanctuary without doors is within. This is the focus of my Father this birthday: making this interior terroir lovely and filled with treasures of joy, peace, servant hood (all gifts of the past birthday questing…), and this year it is “humility" that I was told would be mine.

                Sugar, alcohol, rich foods, feeding narcissism, and gifts….this is not a birthday. Yes, there is love and well wishes. But that’s really not a birthday either. A birthday is a work in progress. It is a cathedral in the making and one that might just take 100 years, just like the Earthly ones do, with several investing in the progress and process. In the end though, if all goes well, the structure stands up under severe weather and the storms of life. It’s filled with exquisite beauty and the treasures of art and peace and worship and praise.  And its structure feeds so many, houses so many, nurtures so many, fills so many. It is everlasting too; so well-built that nothing can take it down.

                The celebration of a life/birthday leads back to the Maker, to the Sculptor. For without that desire to create, without the inspiration of that first breath and filling- well, we’d just be a gleam in our Father’s eye. We owe our lives to Him and thus our birth day to Him too. He does a good job. And it’s a lifetime commitment ending up, hopefully, in a monument to His daily investments and annual reminder where we sprang from. A birthday at best is a joint celebration, don’t you think?

                

Windy Ridge Route to Mt. St. Helens “The Exquisite Comeback”

Please visit my main blog, accessible from the Adytum website by selecting the blog bar on the left hand side: or http://blogspot.adytumsanctuary.com/.

This, like the blog before it, are two different perspectives of the same mountain with lessons learned from each foray into Nature to be her student.  Meantime, enjoy the slideshow but I do hope to see you and hear your comments on the main page. We are nearly to 10,000 hits on the Adytum Sanctuary blog in one and half years...thank you all for sharing this blessed life with us here at Adytum.

Staying Aligned With the Matrix

Some years ago I wrote about creating my Matrix- the core around which I keep my life centered, balanced and productive.  The Matrix is what stands if every single thing was stripped away, and would still ensure a rich, deep and meaningful life. The Matrix means I can lose my family, my health, my home, my businesses and I can still be productive, useful and have a rich, meaningful life. I can say this because it’s rooted within- in the Adytum- the secret place of the heart where there are no doors that open to that sanctuary as it’s entered into by the door of the human spirit.

Rembrandt's "Philosopher in Meditation"

We were in Zihuatanejo, Mexico on an Optometry continuing education trip several years ago. I had the mornings to myself to walk the quiet beach- only a few net fishermen out,  and then come back to write while Donn was getting smarter in 4 hours of class daily. This was the beach that had a crocodile lounging at one end with its baby, and there were snakes that swam with me in the water. No wonder it was fairly deserted! The croc was bad enough, but imagine my surprise finding those “octopuses” were snakes (I need some new snorkel gear evidently)…Leopard snakes- non-poisonous, so I swam as the water was addicting and warm. And yes, I’d do it again….

On off-time under the warm Mexican sun, Donn had been working on books that discussed the concept of the glory of God- that WE are God’s glory and that it is the whole purpose of man;  “the chief end of man”- to glorify God by our life and our words of praise, appreciation and gratitude. That is the essence of a life: To glorify our Creator.

It’s not enough to have been a good wife, although that’s part of it. It’s not to have been a good mother, but that’s part of it.  It’s not to have started and run successful businesses, although that’s a part of it. It’s not to have volunteered hours of time and energy to a non-profit, but that’s a part of it…It’s not to have loved each guest that came our way, but that’s part of it…

If each of those things (identities) were stripped away, I could still create a life of deep value and meaning by appreciating God and living in ways that brought pleasure to Him and consequently increasing unity with Him by living in those ways that make Him happy.

We’d been talking about this concept on this vacation and the concept of creating our own Matrix – or core values -emerged. In other words, if everything was stripped away, as is happening to one of my friends right now who lost his home of 15 years in prime real estate territory, then went bankrupt, only to then lose his wife - what matters after all that? Can there still be meaning to life or do we just throw in the towel and ‘off’ ourselves figuring we’ve nothing at all to live for?  

Out of the center Matrix springs forth all other pursuits and directions of our lives. God is at the center for me, and next, one another and family and then our ‘selves’. From there our businesses and charity focuses where we spend time and money serving. Because Donn and I both have chosen a path of service for our professions, business and charity work are really all lumped together into a path of love and service.

That is a vastly trimmed down synopsis. Each area has a list that correlates- for instance it expands like this:  God is at the center of the Matrix (if I lost everything I would still have this Constant). I desire to know Him, love Him (glorify Him) with all my heart, mind and soul, to do His will, to be called ‘His friend’ with great intimacy, to walk with Him, to use my gifts, talents and prayer in wise stewardship.

Each area of my Matrix gives details in an expanded fashion about how I intend to express that core influence in how I want to live my life with intention, purpose and firm direction with my spouse, self, family and business/community/World service. Having a concept is meaningless unless we find ways to live it out in our lives.

Jackie and Kat, One Year Post Terminal Cancer Diagnosis for  My Overcoming Sister

When my sister received her diagnosis of terminal cancer (double breast to liver to bone) in 2011 that gave her 3 weeks to live- a diagnosis she is overcoming even now a year later, I wrote the following thoughts that evening when the news was fresh and my heart was torn open. My dad was in the hospital at the same time and it appeared both would die soon. Writing this piece- not poetry really but with the insight of poetry – helped me to see the end game very clearly and what mattered when our time was suddenly ‘up’.

My friend and mentor always says, “Start from the end result and work backwards, prioritizing as you go…” The Matrix does just that and when I begin to lose my way, veer off course, divert from my life’s path, lose my focus and intensity- I return to the Matrix, my North Star, My ‘Constant’ in a World of constant change and I am back on track again.

 It is so easy to get off center, isn’t it? It is a slow drift into ineffectiveness or passivity or impotence where we once were powerful. Our lives are still good. They just aren’t great.  There’s nothing like a disaster, or several, or a ‘hard word’  like “you have terminal cancer and have three weeks to live” to snap you back to what the real meaning and purpose of your time on this Earth is. This is my mentor’s concept in action…whittling Life with all its busyness and demands and fatigue back down to the Core- the Matrix.

The Vibration of Death

When our vitality fades

When our spark struggles to stay alight

Will anything matter but the Matrix*?           

“World power means nothing

Only the unsayable jeweled inner life matters” (Rumi)

And how we’ve loved, cared for and supported others.

What we leave them of lands, houses and possessions

Crumble in the hands as a phantom.

The imperishable soul Jewels set into the clasp of our heart

Are the rainbow of their vibration, light and transcendence that endure forever.

Train yourself to raise yourself to the vibration of death…

The intense, deep, penetrating march toward Reality

Will ground you into the fertile soil of that Truth

That All is illusion, distraction…except Love.

And the wise among us are those who know Focus.

Train yourself to number your days.

Accept that “it is always later than you think”.

Take action now, do not delay.

One strong word can remove your options in a moment’s time.

*(My matrix is the core – Glorifying God -around which my life revolves)

We can determine our Matrix, or not. We can choose to reference back continually to it, or not. We can live our lives with focus and steely determination, or not. We have control by the power of our choice. And to express a non-choice, in other words, assuming we’ll live forever and never taking time to make this time on Earth worthwhile eternally, is of course ours to choose too.

Personally, I’ve always lived with an urgency taking nothing for granted about my longevity- not good genes or bad, not insurance lifespan tables for healthy non-smoking women - nothing is assumed. I do my part, and I do it very well, in the stewardship of my temple/body and that is all I can do.

My lovely grandmother died after predicting her own death in a very casual statement, “If I live another year” in her diary at age 36. At age 37 she died of melanoma in her leg in an era of not showing legs to the sun. She was the mother of 7; her youngest just 2 months old when she died. Who would’ve written the story of her life that way? We can’t assume anything but only prepare by living backwards.

Were my life to end today I can say that I fulfilled my Matrix and my life has been profitable to God because I recognized early on He needed relationship with me and I gave myself – control of my life -to Him unreservedly. I found out what He wanted and I gave it to Him as we do in any good love relationship. We want to make the other One happy. And as I look at my life…He reciprocates so well…

But really, He gave Himself to me first. My favorite Psalm is 139. I had a rough start in life. He was there, protecting me, when I was just an embryo in my mother’s womb. Someone has set this Psalm to You Tube with visuals: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TddCILTWNr8   It’s a little slower than I’d have done it, but still the visuals bring it home to me.   I still happen to like the words of King David much better and have much of it memorized now but the video was nice too because we were all that embryo once- hard to imagine we will go from that to…end game thus, the Matrix.

As we evolve through our various phases of life, if it is to have meaning, we must determine to be concentrated in our affinities, to stay true to the course that is our own Matrix and when we deviate from our true Path revisit our Matrix as though we were the One to receive the strong, horrible words, “You have three weeks to live.”

Along the way, we can continue to open our heart to Love. Matrixes have a way of being self-limiting in some respects. We’ve met those people. The word “legalist” comes to mind. What a turn off.  They seem unbalanced. Maybe that’s why Paul told the Corinthians that if we don’t come from heart, from a place of love, then it’s all meaningless babble and distortion.  Find your Matrix and infuse it with heart and you will live a life of meaning.

Let me leave you with this, written before the Matrix experience or before the Vibration of Death thoughts. It’s really all about what fuels our life~ the Matrix.

POSSESSION

POSSESSION

It’s not what we possess that is of value
But the energies, the passion that possess us-

The drive for beauty and creation….
The quest for knowledge and wisdom………..
The growing path of understanding and compassion…….
The acts of love we are a witness and a channel to…………………

Surrendering to these forces of perpetual, eternal value
That they may possess us greater still.

Kat Carroll

"When the saintly Brother Lawrence (Practicing the Presence of God fame) was dying, somebody asked him what he was doing. Without hesitation Brother Lawrence simply said, "I'm just doing what I've been doing for 40 years and expect to be doing throughout eternity,"
"What's that?" the person inquired.
"Worshiping God."
As far as Brother Lawrence was concerned, dying was secondary, just an item on his agenda. His occupation (Matrix) was worshiping God above and before all other things. Facing death did not change that.

Recreating Our Lives

When I accepted the position as Executive Assistant to the President of the most powerful health organization in the World, the National Health Federation (NHF) (www.thenhf.com) and then became the Membership Director it demanded a completely new focus of my already full life. It was a call to lighten the ballast to increase my speed and efficiency and sail fast and unencumbered toward a far horizon, one that embraced the whole World.

NHF, which focuses on protecting and maintaining health freedom (think: the RIGHT to take your supplements and not be forced to drink fluoridated water….) is a natural fit with Adytum Sanctuary’s health promoting, anti-chemical/contaminant philosophy. However, adding ‘one more straw’ to an already packed day threatened to break the proverbial camel’s back; I’ve admittedly struggled for balance for a few months even dreaming of heavily laden camels in the process! It’s time to recreate my life.

The high season is past at Adytum. I am retreating into the nurturing atmosphere of this sacred space to restructure and redefine my burgeoning life. We are called to reinvent ourselves over and over. Birthing the transformation of a life requires release. In order to expand, we must first empty ourselves: our minds of limitations and our environment of impediments to growth.

This destiny race is navigated by shedding continually, dumping the ballast so that the things we need to help us expand can easily find us. Letting go is an act of faith and expectancy of heart. It is the life of a child who shape-shifts and discards the trappings of prior forms year after year evolving into full potential, destiny and purpose.

Picasso wisely notes “The first half of life I spent learning to be a man. I will spend the last half learning to be a child.” Children travel light, live in expectancy and welcome each successive incarnation. We are all perpetual children, ever becoming.

Each one of us has a full life, feels a lack of time and has ever changing interests. We buy the DVDs to learn Spanish and then find we really would rather take cello lessons. We take cello and find that we ultimately need to use that time instead to stay fit. Finding our highest priority inside competing desires and demands on our time is vital.

We can’t do it all…It seems at times everywhere we look there are piles of unfinished work and projects. Fragments of our interests and passions mount up around us. Time to stabilize. Activities can be declined. Priorities are determined and things can go undone. Possessions can be thrown away or given away.  One passion can morph into a more compelling one…

Creating order by traveling lighter through this life…releasing so what we need can come…this is key to our evolution - to doing and having more in life.

We all know too what happens when we begin to give things away…what we really need comes rushing back in to take its place as nature abhors a vacuum – things begin to refill very quickly - and the evolutionary “growth by shedding” cycle starts all over again at some point in the near future.

The law of entropy is hard to wrap my head around. One explanation says, “The energy form of a system that relates to its internal state of disorder; high entropy levels are disordered states, low entropy levels are characteristic of ordered states”. Entropy in general is based on the second law of thermodynamics. It’s about cutting through chaos and getting somewhere fast.

The way my brain sees it: things trend toward disorder like my closet. We can jump in…create a little more chaos and disorder for a time…and magically out of it comes greater order- lower entropy levels.

 “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche. 

The dancing star is you and I; it’s our dreams, our destiny, and our ever evolving potential. Ultimately it is our fulfillment, joy and gift to the World- why we are here. We just have to keep persistently dumping ballast, steering through the chaos to find the meaning and order…or less disorder at least. .”   We provide the push and usher in each new form life presents us with… or we don’t and we live in increasing chaos that births no stars…we’ve been witness to those sad lives.

There is one area on any given day that I can sort through and bring into order that will release my sails and set me skipping over the waves again. Today it’s my closet- which houses a large part of my identity. It seems a highly significant place to start as I embrace the next shape shifting evolution with childlike enthusiasm.

One of my first natural healing mentors, Dr. Richard Shulze, calls this ordering “trashing”. My sailing friends think “ballast”. Either way, traveling lighter is going to present our next evolution to us faster than anything else.

Possessions that are not relevant to whom we are today, activities that don’t directly relate to our newly expanded life, negative words coming from certain people…out they go. We don’t have the time, interest or energy to be caretakers for things from our youth, things that don’t fit our bodies or our minds, and certainly not things – or people - that have a negative association about them. Everything carries an energetic signature. Make sure the forces that confront you are going to propel you forward and not mire you down in the past or make you doubt yourself and the path you’re on. If they can’t all be tossed out, they can be relegated to their proper place, time and energy allocations.

A few hours later and a few bags full of some truly good stuff that I will release, I feel better. The air feels lighter as if a psychic breeze blew out years of stagnancy. I am more focused, have greater clarity and determination to welcome all the great new things that are coming my way, even if they do come with a steep learning curve.  

Trashing is a ritualistic, symbolic step of faith initiating the invitation for more appropriate things to rush in to fill this space and the spaces within us. This is nothing new to any of us. Sometimes we just need the invitation or the reminder. Trashing works. We pare down and work again on primary goals- what we want now.

It is the last quarter of the year. Like you, I have accomplished much and even added some things I didn’t even think would ever appear in my life or on my goal list. What I was interested in February and never pursued is now in the bag for charity. We don’t have to remain emotionally committed to passing interests. If we just stay open and look for God’s leading in our lives because we have actively asked Him to lead us, then we can trust that exactly what we need will come to us, exactly when we need it.

I like to keep some visuals in my closet area that keep me focused, grounded and aware of what is important to me. It’s an old Feng Shui principle; we attract more of what is in our line of sight; we combine with it. We become what we behold. Some of my visuals: a few books with titles that speak to me like Florence Scoville Shinn’s, “The Power of the Spoken Word” reminds me I create my life with my word.

I use art that captures my philosophy in this intimate space: a Heron which somewhere along the way became my personal symbol for becoming all I can be; “writing the novel of my life” and actively co-creating my life with God. Since faith has so much to do with creating out of nothingness, Ex Nihilo, I also have a framed quote from Hebrews 11:1, “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  And, to balance my serious bent, Mickey Mouse sits there reminding me every day to lighten up, smile, laugh and become increasingly more childlike. So as I dress, I subconsciously absorb my chosen focus: use my word carefully, believe and be a child at heart.

Since my path is a path of service, my life is not my own. When it enlarges suddenly, God is asking if I’m ready to use more faith and believe that together, we can create a life that can touch even more people. I’m on high seas, out of my comfort zone for sure with increasing responsibilities. That’s where faith comes in. Fear-filled thoughts and limited thinking, like wondering if we will have enough time and energy, must be tossed out as so much ballast. God will channel the next evolution of our life through us, a clear and open vessel. Just embrace what is on the horizon and steer a steady course for it knowing we will have enough time, energy and wisdom to reach it. Have faith and like Mickey reminds us, enjoy the journey!

When I choose to leave a few empty shelves in my closet, it symbolizes faith to me: faith that the things I need for life, for happiness, for fulfillment and for my unfolding destiny for the glory of God will come to occupy the unseen space I create for them out of nothingness. Maybe they are people that come to fill my life and my heart. Maybe they are tasks. Maybe they are possessions to enjoy or caretake for a time. Our lives are a thin veil, silken strands through which flow all these things. Nothing is ours to hold, but only to be grateful for while we enjoy it for a time. Each is a transformative gift that births us into our next form, the child that never stops ‘becoming’…

On My Knees

The pack and I are just in from a walk over our land, 19 degrees and even lower with wind chill; record lows for February, and me an ex-California girl determined not to let it deter me from connecting with nature this early morning... The Farmer’s Almanac was right again predicting this late February freeze. The intense cold lingers in my face, bracing and tingling my cheeks. Frozen fingers start to bring my longing for warm earth to the page. Despite the cold, we walk the land twice daily. The need to connect with our own land several times a day has become the same as our need to connect many times a day with each other and with God. The relationship, actually, is quite one and the same in many ways.

The Pacific Northwest Garden Show and the one in Portland is this weekend. We will step into the fantasy world of gardens in full bloom tomorrow in hopes of getting some food for the soul and inspiration for creating as well as practical education. After my friend gave me the book “One Magic Square” we’ve been more adamant than ever to provide more of our own food and to make compost bins that actually turn garbage into soil and not just food for nocturnal scavengers to go through.

Lolo Houbein tells dramatic stories in the book about her own near starvation experience in the last world war, ending up at 75 pounds. Supply lines were cut off and those that had land for gardening survived, those that didn’t have them didn’t fare so well. The wise had saved seeds from prior harvests, committed to growing their own food and had a few chickens for eggs and fertilizer.

Monsanto is now responsible for 94 percent of all GM (genetically modified) seeds planted around the world. Houbein writes, “To have the world’s staple food crops narrowed to so few varieties, and to have ownership of practically all commercial seed for these major crops in the hands of one corporation is an unprecedented and frightening situation – especially when you know that this company is also developing the technology for terminator seeds.” Terminator seeds are genetically programmed against reproduction. Once their pollen mixes with crops they will endanger their seed producing capability. This is a disaster of major proportions.

We’ve spent 4 years building the castello (little castle) Adytum and slowly clearing land adding herb and vegetable gardens, fruit and nut trees. This year our focus on the land will intensify. Our commitment to securing and maintaining our own seed bank of non- hybrid, non GM seeds will increase. We are actually considering getting some chickens for eggs as well as to use the mountains of compost our vegetarian kitchen produces every day. We have plans to add a greenhouse, if we can locate one that won’t end up in town when the high winds descend on our hill. We are, in a word, committing: to be responsible for more of our own food production, to be here to take care of the land and animals that will help us to achieve our goals of increased self-sufficiency and to increase in respectful stewardship of what God has given us to watch over and cultivate.

I have read a book many times now called “Monastic Gardens” by Mick Hales. While not from the Catholic tradition ourselves, there are many things that we’re striving to recreate from the monastic lifestyle at Adytum. Hales describes the monks and nuns as “radiating an intrinsic happiness that most of us would envy” despite their monasteries being literally overwhelmed by visitors. Their happiness and ability to handle stress stem from their connection with the land and God. “We are striving for humility in our lives, to draw closer to our God. It is not an accident that the humus or the soil comes from the same word. It is the base from which everything grows. Gardening and my spiritual life go together.” They pray while they work and often on their knees for both activities so central to their lives at the monastery.
Oswald Chambers, one of my favorite deep spiritual mentors shares, “Interest is natural, attention must be by effort. One of the great needs of the Christian life is to have a place where we deliberately attend to realities. That is the real meaning of prayer.”

In the sacredness of the garden, even the humble vegetable garden amidst the dirt, weeds and worms, it becomes an oasis of prayer and a place to restore oneself ~ a place of deep serenity. Kneeling before young seedlings, teasing out the weeds, fingers plunged into the warmth of the earth and breathing gratitude and thankfulness to God, spilling out concerns and fears, whispering desires and dreams all flow together in one harmonious whole. There is no division here of work and spiritual life. That is a model for each of us however we spend our days. Spirituality is not for the weekends alone.

I get more praying done while walking the land than I ever had anywhere else. In the original model, God walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day in the Garden of Eden. Walking and talking with God are as natural as breathing; kneeling in prayer before God in church, kneeling before Him in front of the green beans while weeding…it is all one and the same.
We receive our life from the land, the soil, and the plants we nurture there by our careful attention. We receive our sustenance from God in the same way: by careful attention “attending to realities” breathing out our requests and thanks to God and receiving life for our spirit and soul in return from both in their own ways.

Adytum has always been about creating the surroundings that would encourage living a life dedicated to spiritual development, deepening our connection with God and the land. It was interesting for me to discover in the Monastic Gardens book that a retreat house for guests was always built directly after the main chapel building. Early monasteries were expected to provide hospitality for those passing through, pilgrims on the way. They also provided havens where guests could come away from the world as well, to be silent, to think and meditate, to reconnect with nature, with God, with their own selves and the loved ones in life. That is the heart and soul of Adytum’s purpose and the feedback from guests is confirming that our intention, breathed aloud in the construction of this sanctuary, has been fulfilled. I have heard the word “reconnect” from guests over and over.

Donn and I are trying to be the best servants we can: of the land by exercising intelligent stewardship and for our guests treating them as we would treat the Lord Himself were it Him staying at Adytum for the weekend. I love the verse in Hebrews 13, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” Now that lends an exciting element to our position as hosts! Now we get to wonder if anyone under Adytum’s roof is actually extraterrestrial!

Additionally, the Benedictines Hales studied took a vow of stability with the land. They stay with one piece of land their whole lives. I love that concept reflecting commitment, care, nurture and enjoyment. Isn’t that exactly the element present in marriage and in our relationship with God and care of our own selves?

The Benedictines realize the importance of having a balance in life between the body, the soul and the mind. “Working with the plants, one gets to know their essence and understand that they are not just a commodity. The gardener becomes rooted to the ground, which is part of God’s creation…This is why we have to revere everything in the earth.” We agree a thousand percent. Monks hold respect for the soil as an essential element of God’s creation. Soil becomes us. We again become soil in the circle of life. Abe Lincoln said he was made of the field behind his house. Humbling… He also said that the footprint of the owner is the best manure. Footprints laid down in walking meditation and prayer, better still.

We have been dedicated to organic and green methods at Adytum from the beginning, unwilling to use chemicals, pesticides, herbicides or to pollute the ground water insofar as we’re able. Everywhere you dig on the nearly 16 acres will yield shovels full of earthworms. I can feel the life of the soil under my feet as I enjoy connecting with the land many times a day, regardless of the weather.

We have also, like the Benedictines, cultivated a profound awareness of the birds and animals that share this sacred mountain with us. This used to be called Birley Mountain. It was an impassable tangle of Himalayan Blackberries, Salmon berries and forest. We have slowly carved out pathways, preserving habitat with vegetation by steams and brush piles for birds, insects and small mammals to protect them from the ever present raptors, the hawks and birds of prey.

Each time a tree was removed to allow Adytum to rise, we gave back by creating a feeding station and putting up nesting boxes. I’ll never forget meeting an adorable little owl in Gatlinburg, TN at the home of infamous day trader Dennis Bolze, who was hurt when the tree he nested in and called home was cut down and he hurt himself falling out. We met him with an eagle and a hawk who had both suffered injuries at the hand of man and would be cared for the rest of their lives in a sanctuary.

We must cultivate more awareness. Even with my own brush-hogging, using my little Kioti tractor to eradicate the persistent berry vines between plantation Fir and Alder, I nearly destroyed a beautiful nest full of tiny, speckled brown eggs that some industrious bird had woven suspended between the strands of two bracken fern. Never again will I try to clear land without considering the nesting season and realizing some birds build incredibly close to the earth.

We have gotten very clear direction about how to proceed with the management of the house and land here at Adytum. That direction just happens to align closely with the model set by the Benedictine community and we embrace it as a sustainable way of life for us, our guests and the land. We are cultivating a life on our knees, literally and on the knees of our heart as we seek to practice the presence of God here no matter what we’re engaged in or day of the week it is. There is no separation from us and God, or us and the land; we are all flowing harmoniously, feeding and being fed, nurturing and being nurtured, sustaining and being sustained in spirit, body and mind.

Sacred Work

One of the greatest pleasures and privileges in life is doing work that expresses our passion, talents and gifts. The most fortunate people on earth are those that, first of all, asked for their destiny calling to be revealed to them, and secondly, are able to work their unique calling.

This morning, I woke well before dawn in anticipation of making a spectacular breakfast for several guests who came to Adytum last night for Monday night football and then snowboarding today ~ guy’s night out, midweek. Donn and I have 5 sons/sons in law. Feeding them is so incredibly gratifying because they are so grateful. Even though several are phenomenal cooks themselves, you’d think they hadn’t eaten a decent meal in months. There are abundant compliments, lots of appreciative noises and of course no leftovers. They have proved to be part of the training for my destiny calling, teaching me to love waking early to make breakfast, and now for Adytum guests. It gives me tremendous satisfaction and pleasure to create abundant, healthy meals for others!

When my kids were growing up, we took a family vacation to the Paul Bunyan territory of Northern California. The breakfast we enjoyed, lumberjack style seated at long picnic tables, was enormous. I realized then that starting the day with seriously substantial food was something worth learning to cultivate. Now I know that healthy foods set the blood sugar regulation for the day and start the calories burning.

Even on days when we use Medical Foods Protein Shakes, or if guests request them, they are packed with extras like ground flaxseeds, brewer’s yeast, green drink powder, fiber powder and are blended with banana and frozen blueberries. We’ve been using them for 16 years now and the anti- aging effects of these lifestyle choices are remarkable; definitely worth cultivating as a lifestyle…We have insurance and we never use it. Our blood pressure is that of a 10 year old. We take no prescription medicines. Our blood sugar level is great. We enjoy great health because we purposefully pursue it in our choices.

Taking responsibility for the foods that others eat has always been a weighty responsibility for me, one that I take seriously. The goodness of the Adytum table, the healthy dishes full of freshness and purity are the foundation of meals here. Creating tantalizing combinations of flavors, textures and giving the eye a visual feast is where great meals begin.

Having been trained as a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, as a healer on natural levels, means that my food or healing therapies should first “do no harm”. I can’t imagine sacrificing the momentary pleasure of a high sugar, high fat meal just to please the uneducated palette of some, to knowing I have just inflicted harm on health. My conscience is clear that the foods guests and family are presented with are nourishing, healthful, beautiful and delicious. The food has integrity and it is cooked, as my East Indian son in law would say, with “the scent of the hands”- which is love.

In 1666, there was a monk named Brother Lawrence working the kitchens in the monastery. He became famous for one thing: practicing the presence of God while he worked among the pots and pans, chopping and preparing food. He didn’t divide his life up into worship and prayer times segmented into different scenarios. For Brother Lawrence, it was all work, all prayer, all worship and usually all at once.

In the early predawn hour when I am working in the Adytum kitchen, trying hard to be quiet so guests can sleep, I too am practicing the presence of God. I am praying over the days’ plans for those I am cooking for, asking for guidance, blessing and protection for them. I set the atmosphere in the house with softly spoken words asking for peace, love, joy, harmony and connecting at deep levels. And of course, the food is prayed over before it is set at the main table or carried up to their suites.

The fruit of all the extra steps that go into meals at Adytum is well worth every bit of effort and extra focus that it takes to create it. The results of consciously setting the atmosphere here is interesting…even the young adults who are usually set on “getting out there” to the mountain or the lake are always reluctant to leave. “It’s so relaxing; it’s hard to leave…” I hear this often. And often I watch their plans abandoned to simply following their heart’s desire to stay here for the day to relax, use the hot tub or saunas, to read, to rest…some choose to stay on another day and those who don’t always say they wish they had planned another day at Adytum.

Adytum is sacred space and I do my sacred work here. I love the expression of my destiny calling: caring for others with love, integrity and creating space for healing on deep levels that go far beyond the body’s needs. The impact of the natural beauty all around, the 75 windows making it hard to define the line of inside/outside, the soft music inside, the water and bird music filling the air outside…the fresh, clean air and territorial views…the enormous sky filled with brilliant sunshine, misty clouds or star shine…Adytum meets deep needs in the human heart, mind and spirit.

To be able to do the work I love, that gives me such a sense of living a fulfilling life, is a rare privilege. To be able to combine it with writing and working with my soulmate at our Optometry clinic, offering Nutritional Therapy to those there…well, let’s just say it’s all a dream come true and the Castle Adytum is part of the fairytale of my life that I’m so happy to share with all who come to this magical destination…exalted space.
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