Recreating Our Lives

When I accepted the position as Executive Assistant to the President of the most powerful health organization in the World, the National Health Federation (NHF) (www.thenhf.com) and then became the Membership Director it demanded a completely new focus of my already full life. It was a call to lighten the ballast to increase my speed and efficiency and sail fast and unencumbered toward a far horizon, one that embraced the whole World.

NHF, which focuses on protecting and maintaining health freedom (think: the RIGHT to take your supplements and not be forced to drink fluoridated water….) is a natural fit with Adytum Sanctuary’s health promoting, anti-chemical/contaminant philosophy. However, adding ‘one more straw’ to an already packed day threatened to break the proverbial camel’s back; I’ve admittedly struggled for balance for a few months even dreaming of heavily laden camels in the process! It’s time to recreate my life.

The high season is past at Adytum. I am retreating into the nurturing atmosphere of this sacred space to restructure and redefine my burgeoning life. We are called to reinvent ourselves over and over. Birthing the transformation of a life requires release. In order to expand, we must first empty ourselves: our minds of limitations and our environment of impediments to growth.

This destiny race is navigated by shedding continually, dumping the ballast so that the things we need to help us expand can easily find us. Letting go is an act of faith and expectancy of heart. It is the life of a child who shape-shifts and discards the trappings of prior forms year after year evolving into full potential, destiny and purpose.

Picasso wisely notes “The first half of life I spent learning to be a man. I will spend the last half learning to be a child.” Children travel light, live in expectancy and welcome each successive incarnation. We are all perpetual children, ever becoming.

Each one of us has a full life, feels a lack of time and has ever changing interests. We buy the DVDs to learn Spanish and then find we really would rather take cello lessons. We take cello and find that we ultimately need to use that time instead to stay fit. Finding our highest priority inside competing desires and demands on our time is vital.

We can’t do it all…It seems at times everywhere we look there are piles of unfinished work and projects. Fragments of our interests and passions mount up around us. Time to stabilize. Activities can be declined. Priorities are determined and things can go undone. Possessions can be thrown away or given away.  One passion can morph into a more compelling one…

Creating order by traveling lighter through this life…releasing so what we need can come…this is key to our evolution - to doing and having more in life.

We all know too what happens when we begin to give things away…what we really need comes rushing back in to take its place as nature abhors a vacuum – things begin to refill very quickly - and the evolutionary “growth by shedding” cycle starts all over again at some point in the near future.

The law of entropy is hard to wrap my head around. One explanation says, “The energy form of a system that relates to its internal state of disorder; high entropy levels are disordered states, low entropy levels are characteristic of ordered states”. Entropy in general is based on the second law of thermodynamics. It’s about cutting through chaos and getting somewhere fast.

The way my brain sees it: things trend toward disorder like my closet. We can jump in…create a little more chaos and disorder for a time…and magically out of it comes greater order- lower entropy levels.

 “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche. 

The dancing star is you and I; it’s our dreams, our destiny, and our ever evolving potential. Ultimately it is our fulfillment, joy and gift to the World- why we are here. We just have to keep persistently dumping ballast, steering through the chaos to find the meaning and order…or less disorder at least. .”   We provide the push and usher in each new form life presents us with… or we don’t and we live in increasing chaos that births no stars…we’ve been witness to those sad lives.

There is one area on any given day that I can sort through and bring into order that will release my sails and set me skipping over the waves again. Today it’s my closet- which houses a large part of my identity. It seems a highly significant place to start as I embrace the next shape shifting evolution with childlike enthusiasm.

One of my first natural healing mentors, Dr. Richard Shulze, calls this ordering “trashing”. My sailing friends think “ballast”. Either way, traveling lighter is going to present our next evolution to us faster than anything else.

Possessions that are not relevant to whom we are today, activities that don’t directly relate to our newly expanded life, negative words coming from certain people…out they go. We don’t have the time, interest or energy to be caretakers for things from our youth, things that don’t fit our bodies or our minds, and certainly not things – or people - that have a negative association about them. Everything carries an energetic signature. Make sure the forces that confront you are going to propel you forward and not mire you down in the past or make you doubt yourself and the path you’re on. If they can’t all be tossed out, they can be relegated to their proper place, time and energy allocations.

A few hours later and a few bags full of some truly good stuff that I will release, I feel better. The air feels lighter as if a psychic breeze blew out years of stagnancy. I am more focused, have greater clarity and determination to welcome all the great new things that are coming my way, even if they do come with a steep learning curve.  

Trashing is a ritualistic, symbolic step of faith initiating the invitation for more appropriate things to rush in to fill this space and the spaces within us. This is nothing new to any of us. Sometimes we just need the invitation or the reminder. Trashing works. We pare down and work again on primary goals- what we want now.

It is the last quarter of the year. Like you, I have accomplished much and even added some things I didn’t even think would ever appear in my life or on my goal list. What I was interested in February and never pursued is now in the bag for charity. We don’t have to remain emotionally committed to passing interests. If we just stay open and look for God’s leading in our lives because we have actively asked Him to lead us, then we can trust that exactly what we need will come to us, exactly when we need it.

I like to keep some visuals in my closet area that keep me focused, grounded and aware of what is important to me. It’s an old Feng Shui principle; we attract more of what is in our line of sight; we combine with it. We become what we behold. Some of my visuals: a few books with titles that speak to me like Florence Scoville Shinn’s, “The Power of the Spoken Word” reminds me I create my life with my word.

I use art that captures my philosophy in this intimate space: a Heron which somewhere along the way became my personal symbol for becoming all I can be; “writing the novel of my life” and actively co-creating my life with God. Since faith has so much to do with creating out of nothingness, Ex Nihilo, I also have a framed quote from Hebrews 11:1, “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”  And, to balance my serious bent, Mickey Mouse sits there reminding me every day to lighten up, smile, laugh and become increasingly more childlike. So as I dress, I subconsciously absorb my chosen focus: use my word carefully, believe and be a child at heart.

Since my path is a path of service, my life is not my own. When it enlarges suddenly, God is asking if I’m ready to use more faith and believe that together, we can create a life that can touch even more people. I’m on high seas, out of my comfort zone for sure with increasing responsibilities. That’s where faith comes in. Fear-filled thoughts and limited thinking, like wondering if we will have enough time and energy, must be tossed out as so much ballast. God will channel the next evolution of our life through us, a clear and open vessel. Just embrace what is on the horizon and steer a steady course for it knowing we will have enough time, energy and wisdom to reach it. Have faith and like Mickey reminds us, enjoy the journey!

When I choose to leave a few empty shelves in my closet, it symbolizes faith to me: faith that the things I need for life, for happiness, for fulfillment and for my unfolding destiny for the glory of God will come to occupy the unseen space I create for them out of nothingness. Maybe they are people that come to fill my life and my heart. Maybe they are tasks. Maybe they are possessions to enjoy or caretake for a time. Our lives are a thin veil, silken strands through which flow all these things. Nothing is ours to hold, but only to be grateful for while we enjoy it for a time. Each is a transformative gift that births us into our next form, the child that never stops ‘becoming’…

On My Knees

The pack and I are just in from a walk over our land, 19 degrees and even lower with wind chill; record lows for February, and me an ex-California girl determined not to let it deter me from connecting with nature this early morning... The Farmer’s Almanac was right again predicting this late February freeze. The intense cold lingers in my face, bracing and tingling my cheeks. Frozen fingers start to bring my longing for warm earth to the page. Despite the cold, we walk the land twice daily. The need to connect with our own land several times a day has become the same as our need to connect many times a day with each other and with God. The relationship, actually, is quite one and the same in many ways.

The Pacific Northwest Garden Show and the one in Portland is this weekend. We will step into the fantasy world of gardens in full bloom tomorrow in hopes of getting some food for the soul and inspiration for creating as well as practical education. After my friend gave me the book “One Magic Square” we’ve been more adamant than ever to provide more of our own food and to make compost bins that actually turn garbage into soil and not just food for nocturnal scavengers to go through.

Lolo Houbein tells dramatic stories in the book about her own near starvation experience in the last world war, ending up at 75 pounds. Supply lines were cut off and those that had land for gardening survived, those that didn’t have them didn’t fare so well. The wise had saved seeds from prior harvests, committed to growing their own food and had a few chickens for eggs and fertilizer.

Monsanto is now responsible for 94 percent of all GM (genetically modified) seeds planted around the world. Houbein writes, “To have the world’s staple food crops narrowed to so few varieties, and to have ownership of practically all commercial seed for these major crops in the hands of one corporation is an unprecedented and frightening situation – especially when you know that this company is also developing the technology for terminator seeds.” Terminator seeds are genetically programmed against reproduction. Once their pollen mixes with crops they will endanger their seed producing capability. This is a disaster of major proportions.

We’ve spent 4 years building the castello (little castle) Adytum and slowly clearing land adding herb and vegetable gardens, fruit and nut trees. This year our focus on the land will intensify. Our commitment to securing and maintaining our own seed bank of non- hybrid, non GM seeds will increase. We are actually considering getting some chickens for eggs as well as to use the mountains of compost our vegetarian kitchen produces every day. We have plans to add a greenhouse, if we can locate one that won’t end up in town when the high winds descend on our hill. We are, in a word, committing: to be responsible for more of our own food production, to be here to take care of the land and animals that will help us to achieve our goals of increased self-sufficiency and to increase in respectful stewardship of what God has given us to watch over and cultivate.

I have read a book many times now called “Monastic Gardens” by Mick Hales. While not from the Catholic tradition ourselves, there are many things that we’re striving to recreate from the monastic lifestyle at Adytum. Hales describes the monks and nuns as “radiating an intrinsic happiness that most of us would envy” despite their monasteries being literally overwhelmed by visitors. Their happiness and ability to handle stress stem from their connection with the land and God. “We are striving for humility in our lives, to draw closer to our God. It is not an accident that the humus or the soil comes from the same word. It is the base from which everything grows. Gardening and my spiritual life go together.” They pray while they work and often on their knees for both activities so central to their lives at the monastery.
Oswald Chambers, one of my favorite deep spiritual mentors shares, “Interest is natural, attention must be by effort. One of the great needs of the Christian life is to have a place where we deliberately attend to realities. That is the real meaning of prayer.”

In the sacredness of the garden, even the humble vegetable garden amidst the dirt, weeds and worms, it becomes an oasis of prayer and a place to restore oneself ~ a place of deep serenity. Kneeling before young seedlings, teasing out the weeds, fingers plunged into the warmth of the earth and breathing gratitude and thankfulness to God, spilling out concerns and fears, whispering desires and dreams all flow together in one harmonious whole. There is no division here of work and spiritual life. That is a model for each of us however we spend our days. Spirituality is not for the weekends alone.

I get more praying done while walking the land than I ever had anywhere else. In the original model, God walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day in the Garden of Eden. Walking and talking with God are as natural as breathing; kneeling in prayer before God in church, kneeling before Him in front of the green beans while weeding…it is all one and the same.
We receive our life from the land, the soil, and the plants we nurture there by our careful attention. We receive our sustenance from God in the same way: by careful attention “attending to realities” breathing out our requests and thanks to God and receiving life for our spirit and soul in return from both in their own ways.

Adytum has always been about creating the surroundings that would encourage living a life dedicated to spiritual development, deepening our connection with God and the land. It was interesting for me to discover in the Monastic Gardens book that a retreat house for guests was always built directly after the main chapel building. Early monasteries were expected to provide hospitality for those passing through, pilgrims on the way. They also provided havens where guests could come away from the world as well, to be silent, to think and meditate, to reconnect with nature, with God, with their own selves and the loved ones in life. That is the heart and soul of Adytum’s purpose and the feedback from guests is confirming that our intention, breathed aloud in the construction of this sanctuary, has been fulfilled. I have heard the word “reconnect” from guests over and over.

Donn and I are trying to be the best servants we can: of the land by exercising intelligent stewardship and for our guests treating them as we would treat the Lord Himself were it Him staying at Adytum for the weekend. I love the verse in Hebrews 13, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” Now that lends an exciting element to our position as hosts! Now we get to wonder if anyone under Adytum’s roof is actually extraterrestrial!

Additionally, the Benedictines Hales studied took a vow of stability with the land. They stay with one piece of land their whole lives. I love that concept reflecting commitment, care, nurture and enjoyment. Isn’t that exactly the element present in marriage and in our relationship with God and care of our own selves?

The Benedictines realize the importance of having a balance in life between the body, the soul and the mind. “Working with the plants, one gets to know their essence and understand that they are not just a commodity. The gardener becomes rooted to the ground, which is part of God’s creation…This is why we have to revere everything in the earth.” We agree a thousand percent. Monks hold respect for the soil as an essential element of God’s creation. Soil becomes us. We again become soil in the circle of life. Abe Lincoln said he was made of the field behind his house. Humbling… He also said that the footprint of the owner is the best manure. Footprints laid down in walking meditation and prayer, better still.

We have been dedicated to organic and green methods at Adytum from the beginning, unwilling to use chemicals, pesticides, herbicides or to pollute the ground water insofar as we’re able. Everywhere you dig on the nearly 16 acres will yield shovels full of earthworms. I can feel the life of the soil under my feet as I enjoy connecting with the land many times a day, regardless of the weather.

We have also, like the Benedictines, cultivated a profound awareness of the birds and animals that share this sacred mountain with us. This used to be called Birley Mountain. It was an impassable tangle of Himalayan Blackberries, Salmon berries and forest. We have slowly carved out pathways, preserving habitat with vegetation by steams and brush piles for birds, insects and small mammals to protect them from the ever present raptors, the hawks and birds of prey.

Each time a tree was removed to allow Adytum to rise, we gave back by creating a feeding station and putting up nesting boxes. I’ll never forget meeting an adorable little owl in Gatlinburg, TN at the home of infamous day trader Dennis Bolze, who was hurt when the tree he nested in and called home was cut down and he hurt himself falling out. We met him with an eagle and a hawk who had both suffered injuries at the hand of man and would be cared for the rest of their lives in a sanctuary.

We must cultivate more awareness. Even with my own brush-hogging, using my little Kioti tractor to eradicate the persistent berry vines between plantation Fir and Alder, I nearly destroyed a beautiful nest full of tiny, speckled brown eggs that some industrious bird had woven suspended between the strands of two bracken fern. Never again will I try to clear land without considering the nesting season and realizing some birds build incredibly close to the earth.

We have gotten very clear direction about how to proceed with the management of the house and land here at Adytum. That direction just happens to align closely with the model set by the Benedictine community and we embrace it as a sustainable way of life for us, our guests and the land. We are cultivating a life on our knees, literally and on the knees of our heart as we seek to practice the presence of God here no matter what we’re engaged in or day of the week it is. There is no separation from us and God, or us and the land; we are all flowing harmoniously, feeding and being fed, nurturing and being nurtured, sustaining and being sustained in spirit, body and mind.

Sacred Work

One of the greatest pleasures and privileges in life is doing work that expresses our passion, talents and gifts. The most fortunate people on earth are those that, first of all, asked for their destiny calling to be revealed to them, and secondly, are able to work their unique calling.

This morning, I woke well before dawn in anticipation of making a spectacular breakfast for several guests who came to Adytum last night for Monday night football and then snowboarding today ~ guy’s night out, midweek. Donn and I have 5 sons/sons in law. Feeding them is so incredibly gratifying because they are so grateful. Even though several are phenomenal cooks themselves, you’d think they hadn’t eaten a decent meal in months. There are abundant compliments, lots of appreciative noises and of course no leftovers. They have proved to be part of the training for my destiny calling, teaching me to love waking early to make breakfast, and now for Adytum guests. It gives me tremendous satisfaction and pleasure to create abundant, healthy meals for others!

When my kids were growing up, we took a family vacation to the Paul Bunyan territory of Northern California. The breakfast we enjoyed, lumberjack style seated at long picnic tables, was enormous. I realized then that starting the day with seriously substantial food was something worth learning to cultivate. Now I know that healthy foods set the blood sugar regulation for the day and start the calories burning.

Even on days when we use Medical Foods Protein Shakes, or if guests request them, they are packed with extras like ground flaxseeds, brewer’s yeast, green drink powder, fiber powder and are blended with banana and frozen blueberries. We’ve been using them for 16 years now and the anti- aging effects of these lifestyle choices are remarkable; definitely worth cultivating as a lifestyle…We have insurance and we never use it. Our blood pressure is that of a 10 year old. We take no prescription medicines. Our blood sugar level is great. We enjoy great health because we purposefully pursue it in our choices.

Taking responsibility for the foods that others eat has always been a weighty responsibility for me, one that I take seriously. The goodness of the Adytum table, the healthy dishes full of freshness and purity are the foundation of meals here. Creating tantalizing combinations of flavors, textures and giving the eye a visual feast is where great meals begin.

Having been trained as a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, as a healer on natural levels, means that my food or healing therapies should first “do no harm”. I can’t imagine sacrificing the momentary pleasure of a high sugar, high fat meal just to please the uneducated palette of some, to knowing I have just inflicted harm on health. My conscience is clear that the foods guests and family are presented with are nourishing, healthful, beautiful and delicious. The food has integrity and it is cooked, as my East Indian son in law would say, with “the scent of the hands”- which is love.

In 1666, there was a monk named Brother Lawrence working the kitchens in the monastery. He became famous for one thing: practicing the presence of God while he worked among the pots and pans, chopping and preparing food. He didn’t divide his life up into worship and prayer times segmented into different scenarios. For Brother Lawrence, it was all work, all prayer, all worship and usually all at once.

In the early predawn hour when I am working in the Adytum kitchen, trying hard to be quiet so guests can sleep, I too am practicing the presence of God. I am praying over the days’ plans for those I am cooking for, asking for guidance, blessing and protection for them. I set the atmosphere in the house with softly spoken words asking for peace, love, joy, harmony and connecting at deep levels. And of course, the food is prayed over before it is set at the main table or carried up to their suites.

The fruit of all the extra steps that go into meals at Adytum is well worth every bit of effort and extra focus that it takes to create it. The results of consciously setting the atmosphere here is interesting…even the young adults who are usually set on “getting out there” to the mountain or the lake are always reluctant to leave. “It’s so relaxing; it’s hard to leave…” I hear this often. And often I watch their plans abandoned to simply following their heart’s desire to stay here for the day to relax, use the hot tub or saunas, to read, to rest…some choose to stay on another day and those who don’t always say they wish they had planned another day at Adytum.

Adytum is sacred space and I do my sacred work here. I love the expression of my destiny calling: caring for others with love, integrity and creating space for healing on deep levels that go far beyond the body’s needs. The impact of the natural beauty all around, the 75 windows making it hard to define the line of inside/outside, the soft music inside, the water and bird music filling the air outside…the fresh, clean air and territorial views…the enormous sky filled with brilliant sunshine, misty clouds or star shine…Adytum meets deep needs in the human heart, mind and spirit.

To be able to do the work I love, that gives me such a sense of living a fulfilling life, is a rare privilege. To be able to combine it with writing and working with my soulmate at our Optometry clinic, offering Nutritional Therapy to those there…well, let’s just say it’s all a dream come true and the Castle Adytum is part of the fairytale of my life that I’m so happy to share with all who come to this magical destination…exalted space.
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Reveal to me my destiny, God

Reveal to me my destiny, God. It wasn’t a question. It was more like a command. I had to know. I was in my 20’s and didn’t have a career or much schooling past college at that point. I felt compelled to avoid wasting my time on earth, being driven by an urgency that didn’t take for granted an allotted life span. Somehow I knew I didn’t want to waste a moment. I had to know: Why am I here? What do I have to share with others?

Isaiah 45:11 says, “Thus saith the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker, Ask me of the things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands COMMAND YE ME.”
Command means just that. The original Hebrew is tsuvah: to constitute, enjoin, appoint, bid, give charge, send with command, send a messenger, put in order. Okay…So God is initiating that statement? Yes. Yes. And Yes.

If you’re curious as I was, consulting the Strong’s dictionary, the “ask” portion of the reading means: demand, counsel on, lay to charge, inquire, consult. He wants relationship, and a close one, that much is sure…

I think we attained this privileged stance because of Jesus blessing in saying: " I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father (John 15:15) We are a part of the great and wonderful family of God, if we know Him…not just know of Him, but intimately know Him as friend and Love.

When we’re friends with someone we know they’re there for us, we can ask them anything and they’ll do everything in their power to do it because they love us. Some have disputed this passage and made it into things that it isn’t. They don’t know their position. I think this passage is God’s love declaration. We will do anything possible for those we love, won’t we? He is saying, just ask…even command, my love…

We know that God is supreme and is above all the other gods men invent. When we attain to that knowledge, surrender to Him, and join with Him as One (“That they may be one even as we are one.” John 17:21) He says, in my opinion, “I am channeling my desires through your spirit. Note them, desire them and ask me, even command me to bring them to pass. Then watch it happen loved one…”

In my own life, God wanted me to discover the purpose early on and begin to prepare. I had written love letters and poems to Him since I was 14. True, I wandered a few years off my path, but always ultimately returned to His side. I knew Him like a true friend, a loved member of family…

When I demanded the revelation of my destiny calling, the main reason I was born onto this earth against all odds (and that is a whole other story in itself) He was excited, anxious to show it to me. But He waited. And waited. And waited. He is God, remember? He has that privilege. And often because He has a bigger plan that we just can’t comprehend at the time.

Meantime, while I felt like a fish out of water on the earth casting about from one thing to another to bring fulfillment, He cultivated passions in my heart, life, spirit…As I look back the passions were each stepping stones or puzzle pieces that would fill in perfectly to complete the whole. This is so incredibly important. What I am saying is that nothing in my life was wasted. And as I look at other’s lives who know Him, it is the same exquisite use of days, times, talents, passions and interests. He is a master artist of the palette of the human spirit and it is sheer fascination to see the finished work as a whole.

In fact, it’s become an interesting pursuit for me to examine the lives of the elderly saints (and we are all saints who are called by His name aren’t we?) and see the intricate patterning laid down in childhood and carried out through the years into the place of ultimate fulfillment or destiny attainment.

I once asked a dear friend in her late 50’s if she’d ever asked that question: What is my destiny? What am I here for? Why was I created? What can I offer on this earth to my fellow man?
Sadly, she never asked the vital question. She had married into wealth and has a very handsome, successful husband. She had a family, land and large position in the market. Yet, there was an undeniable shallowness and insecurity; a fear of losing her looks and thus, her husband who seemed as shallow as she.

Her hovering over her grown children threatened the loss of them as well. They were older, and unmarried and childless which vexed her. She sought after yoga, Buddhism and social achievements. In the world’s eyes, she had it made. She was a multimillionaire. But I saw into the deficiencies of spirit, the unsettled emotional life, and it brought it all home.

Do you know how I saw this in her originally before the deep focus? It was in the casting about from job to job to find meaning…Nietzsche said, 'He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.'" There was no underlying “why” being demonstrated. In this life and in so many others, this important demand/command was never contemplated much less asked. And so there is a vacantness, a shallowness; ultimately a delusion as the individual falls for the worldly view of fulfillment that is an empty shell in reality.

Rumi, ancient Persian mystic and Sufi poet said, “Let the beauty of what you love, be what you do.”

When I commanded God to reveal my destiny I was already doing it and loving doing it, but it was unpaid for and unnoticed at that time. I was ignorant and oblivious how our Creator works. Years passed and I added and added to my path- my life’s work- unaware all the time that it was indeed my path. How can we be one with God and unaware? Perhaps a bit of worldliness remained, youth or lack of vision. Perhaps the path was so different from that of others that it was by all intents, unrecognizable.

When I approached the 50th year of my life, I asked God as I am accustomed to doing, “What are you going to give me for my birthday this year?” Each year has manifested gifts much like reading the list of spiritual gifts in the New Testament. But this year it is clearly different.
This year it is the fulfillment of the command of my twenties. I have waited twenty five long years…maybe more since that statement was posed, not as a question, but as a command, “Show me my destiny calling God…”

And now, on the cusp on my 50th birthday He says, “Katherine…I am giving you fulfillment of the command of your 20’s. I am giving to you, my love, fulfillment of your destiny calling.”

What I viewed as non response was in truth God responding to my command day by day. I feel so blessed to have commanded early on, and not in my late 50’s. By virtue of a deep loving oneness with God, my command was set into motion. My life- at the cusp of turning 50, will be one of fulfillment being fully involved in my destiny calling. All the little steps along the way- sheer genius and pure love on His part. Seriously, nothing was wasted. And so this is my gift this year.

His creativity lives on in each and every life that dares to make the command: show me my destiny God. Why am I here? And as a result, I am satisfied and completely fulfilled because of it…. So be in Oneness with Him and then ask. Command. You’re His friend. You’d do the same for Him and you know it… And you will be filled with wonder at the fruit of the years as I am.

Still Standing

I wake at first light and rapidly scan the tree tops outside my bedroom window to see who endured the tortuous night on their feet. I passed anxious hours of darkness in my bed at Adytum, my fourth November here, bracing myself against the raging wind whipping through the ancient fir, maple and alder outside my window. I pray over and over as I wake throughout the night that God will protect Adytum and keep the aged trees, who have become our old friends, on their feet this night.

They willingly cast their lesser branches to the torrent as a sacrifice, hoping that more of themselves won’t be required in this season of fierce storms. It is akin to lightening the load of a ship to increase the sail, I think… If they must give way altogether to the icy blasts delivered in hurricane gusts; I pray that at least they will fall away from the house. The word “widow makers” has a hard reputation behind its sinister implications. This year, a traveler a little further East near the mountain found his Land Rover an unexpected tomb when an old tree made its descent to the earth. I try to sleep in trusting peace, like Jesus in the little storm tossed boat, in the midst of yet another stormy night.

Adytum, The Castello Sanctuary, is three stories of glass and turrets thrusting up into the sky, high on this hill overlooking Lake Mayfield. She is the essence of transparency with her 56 windows and a heart of vulnerability despite her strong construction. Like a lighthouse pummeled by rough seas, she stands a beacon on this hill taking the force of intense seasonal storms. Alongside the deep green of ancient fir and gnarled maples that surround her on all sides, they position together against the legendary annual storms of November. We are nearly to Thanksgiving and it’s been raining with accompanying high winds the entire month. The air is fresh and chill.

We live alongside them all, gazing into the upper canopy of these old trees from our perch in the Gothic library on the third floor. Up high, in this rarified Tower atmosphere we are one with them, their bird guests and the clouds rolling past. We are pilots without planes, viewing this spectacular landscape from the cockpit of the Tower Room with its 44 windows now blanketed with rain and debris. Startled out of our daydreams, another torpedoed branch hits the glass. We pray the windows resists breaking under perpetual assaults of limbs, some small and some quite substantial.

Such a seemingly thin membrane protects us against the elements we’d be hard pressed to survive in for even an hour. How the tiny birds continue on day after day, hunkering down against increasing winds at night is beyond me. All around me, I am witness to great power. The humble vigor of small creatures exposed to the full force of nature day by day. The sentinel firs outside the Tower wall, Castor and Pollex, named after the constellation Gemini twins are reeling like drunken sailors in their upper branches, but they don’t give an inch at their base.

Their roots cling with stubborn tenacity to unseen support far below the surface. They have learned to roll with the onslaught of terrestrial forces and to bend without breaking. They travel light, casting branches here and there that hit the roof and walls of the house with menacing thuds. Pared down to a core of beauty and might, they celebrate their antiquity and the lessons they’ve learned that leave them standing despite all attempts to send them crashing down like great, fallen wrecks.

These grand trees are our comrades and our friends. Their reassuring presences enrich and encourage our own lives more than we’d ever have imagined prior to coming here to live our lives out alongside them. We need them. We grieve their loss when they go down. The skyline is forever altered by their passing. The remains left on the forest floor is no small matter to contend with. The scars left on their comrades who lived in the path of their falling bulk, their own limbs lost to the slicing power of the descent, will take years to heal.

A ghost maple older than the oldest man I know hasn’t fared as well this season. The tree died years ago and was left as home to woodpeckers and countless squirrels. From the safety of the house, I am now confronted through pouring rain with its massive roots, taller than a house, instead of the considerable girth of its trunk that was vertical just a few hours ago. Sometime in the night, it fell while I slept on.

Some fall with a canon shot, bursting in mid air before the thunderous crash to earth. Others simply tip over and are laid relatively quietly to rest in the still of the night. This maple’s root system is so massive that it gives pause. We just stare out the window, stunned, and longing for the storm to let up enough to walk out to see it close up. Later, when we do, we see long root fingers wrapped around boulders providing invisible support that allows them such incredible longevity. They are rooted and grounded upon rock seeking a firm foothold and foundation to live life upon.

Living here yields a constant Voice if we have ears to hear. Nature instructs us in her own language about how to live long and victoriously on this earth. We “hear” that a life founded on anything less than solid rock will not stand for long. We must have a firm foundation from which to thrust ourselves upward into the world. Grasping firm truths, holding to strong principles and enmeshing ourselves in the great Identity of the Creator will enable us to soar high without losing our heads or toppling over at the first challenging season possibly taking others with us.

These old friends show us that they are realists, willing to accept things as they are and adjust to changing times without giving up their foundation. They are pliable and bend with amazing flexibility to the brute forces that seek to take them down. They don’t give up at the first sign of turbulence or change. They are fighters and tough, resilient survivors. From amazingly small beginnings, they have gone from strength to strength and endured.

Along their own journey, our companions and friends of the soil have learned to let go of dead wood and excess weight. They succumb to the pruning of nature, which seems severe to us at times as we survey their sharply hewed forms. But they are left with pure, tensile resiliency unencumbered by lifeless weight. Their purpose is clarified.
Holding on too long, being unwilling to release the past, living on in our former glory will never allow us to achieve the deep groundedness and settled calm in the face of adversity we need to be survivors. Being humbly willing to be stripped and laid bare for a season is the deep wisdom of the forest and the lesson for us to emulate and embrace. What is left is pure essence combined with increased intensity and intent; a life lived with intension and pointed direction.

At some point in the November torrents, I sense their rejoicing at the gains of strength of the years. Once they were young and small raised under the shelter of a parent tree. The heat of a parched summer could take their lives in an instant. But they learned to entwine their tender roots with the successful companions around them joining with them in a community of power and trust, safety and growth.

It’s those that stand alone that are so prone to falling. Displaying strength and encouraging others to do the same is how Castor and Pollex have lived to their great ages. The roots of lesser Fir join them under the surface forming a strong and communal defensive line. We need one another and we need grounding in the Great Source. This is one message of their silent Voice to those that have ears to hear.

We need also to dance, to play and rejoice. Like young warriors testing strength and skill upon the battlefield, these Ancients know they are faithful and true. They are assured of their value to the world and all they give to all of nature. Most days, we see them dancing and dipping in the thermals engaging passing hawks and eagles in the dance; teasing them to light on their moving targets.

Like King David noted, they do “clap their hands” and sing Halleluiah! They worship, they praise and they joy. That much is clear to us who live in their community. They take their pleasure while they may, soaking up the sunshine and building up solid resources for days ahead. They live in the moment and truly, no one moment seems better than the others; only different in the good that will emerge from it.

Our friends of the wood are “home” to so many. When one falls, or several as this season’s stormy yield has revealed, there are many left without a hole or perch to call their home. We met a little owl once who had been injured when he fell from his own falling tree house. Today, there are unusually large flocks of nuthatches and juncos casting about in the wind. I brave the elements to give them some extra food while they make their own plans about where to set up housekeeping next in the face of their loss.

A squirrel talks incessantly to me, not stopping when she’s fed as she usually does. It reminds me when we had to board our old cat at the vet’s for 11 days when we took a trip. He’d never been boarded before. They caged him the entire time and it nearly killed him. He talked the same incessant way when we finally got him home, releasing all his fear and trauma at what he perceived as his abandonment and ultimate demise. This squirrel has lost her home, perhaps her nut store and her family this past night. She has chosen to share this with me I assume, by her uncharacteristic behavior.

It is a reminder to me that many, in this season of tremendous unemployment and foreclosures are in need of a place to settle in. We should always be willing to open our doors and provide hospitality to those passing through our lives when we are called to do so. Like the great trees of the forests, we spread our welcome and are willing to give of ourselves sharing what and who we are freely. This is the way of nature.

The great fallen in our wood family this morning are finding grace in the act of falling. They have begun a new evolution emerging as a nurse tree and will become home to countless varied species from their place on the horizon. Their death and decay will prove a heritage and a gift not only by their memory of proud greatness, but by what they leave behind.

Their giving continues for years to come after their heads cease to soar into the clouds. Some might say their courageous life pales in comparison to the work they do in death. Their spirit goes on and many are fed at their feet for years and years to come. The young seedling that is nurtured from its decaying bark can only hope to attain to the greatness it tastes.

What will we leave behind that those we have never met will be nurtured by? How can we leave a bequest that will help our heirs learn the deep truths taught by God through nature? How will they be fed by our life, in death? Investments made during life must carry forward in death. That is the lesson of nature.

I think of John Muir. He understood the Temple of Nature and the constant instruction that was offered to those who had ears to hear and eyes to see. Every day at Adytum is holy and full of growth for those who see deeply, to those that take time to ponder the lessons being offered. The music of the spheres plays continually here. Tree choirs join in creating string symphonies with the wind. All is one and for one purpose - that God, the creative Source, is honored and glorified in His creation. We live as novices in a huge community of teachers here at Adytum, Donn and I, humbled and inspired by the profound wisdom being taught on and through this sacred land.

Ephesians 6:13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

The Care and Feeding of the Spirit

Weekends come and go and we haven’t done anything. Haven’t taken the kayaks out, or dusted the cobwebs off the mountain bikes to hit the trails. It begins to feel like all we do is work at the office, and then come home to work at Adytum, our supposed “Sanctuary”.

“Would you like to go kayaking now”, Donn asks after we both cap off a new walkway with a Moon Gate metal arch and flagstone pathway cutting through what will soon be lawn. Ryan, the eldest Carroll son, created the idea in me to connect a new path he cut through a dense group of young crooked willow trees with the Moon Gate arch and stepping stones.

Ryan’s imagination and fresh thinking made a natural path where it was most needed and now it is a silent invitation off the courtyard patio to the Koi and bog ponds below. Since the lake is the obvious draw, this move on his part creates a sense of suspense and mystery despite the enormous competition of the incredible view…. To top it off, visible through the arch of the moon gate is a stone bench in the distance that beckons one to another viewpoint through the woods.Creating this drama is everything I’ve learned watching every single episode of Gardens of the Trust, and he knew it instinctively…

Just as iron sharpens iron, creativity and fresh thinking in one sparks it in another. Years from now, we will all remember how this came about where there was once just forest and brush. There is a latent power in our creative acts, but they must be brought to the surface and not simply remain as ideas…

Answering Donn, “No actually this was good. It was just what I wanted to do today even though I know I said we need to have fun… now I’m ready to relax – inside.” Our old definitions of weekends, of activities we do on weekends to make them feel like we had one, are changing.

I watch Donn, at 61, creating beauty inside of form and function. It reminds me of seeing the concrete stairs he laid at 18 through his mother’s sloping lawn. His work still stands even though the house has now been sold. For me to have seen his youthful work was a blessing. When Ryan reflects in his 90’s that his pathway was made by hand, hewing a space for a flight of fiddlewood maple steps out of rocky earth, he will feel the same sense of delight that his creative acts live on.

I am redefining what weekends mean now, in my late 40’s. I need to create beauty and order in our Sanctuary more than I need to discover a new hiking trail or bounce over old roots on forest single track on my bike. It’s not that I’ve lost interest in those things, but fleshing out Adytum’s secret places and desires to “become” are far more compelling now than how I used to spend weekend hours.

When we get tired of it all, someone will come to spur us on and remind us why we are creating from a live palette. We are sculptors and painters from nature, working in our studio on this sacred hill surrounded by water music, birdsong and woodland beauty so intense we lose ourselves in it. The lake sparkles and we catch occasional sounds of revelers on their jet skis or water skiers. But we desire to leave the car in the garage, to work awhile, to sit under Adytum’s signature orange umbrella on the deck and simply watch. Then, refreshed, we are back to creating; sculpting with shovels and painting with a gloved hand in the soil.

In the space of a month, we have sod, courtesy again of Ryan. We have planted half a dozen Japanese maples of intriguing varieties, not the run of the mill nursery stock. We have witnessed the completion of recaulking the house, which necessitated repainting it. We have the concrete finally 100% done, including what I will always refer to as “The Courtyard of God” because it was He who gave the design at the 11th hour with the concrete truck on the way. I’ll never forget the contractor, Mark, taking a step back, chin in hand pondering the suggestion proposed to create symmetry by matching the seated planter box on one side of the French door patio with another instead of just laying the typical little pad at the door as he planned. I distinctly recall excusing myself for a minute “to feed the birds” because something just didn’t feel right about his plan. I’m no architect but I listen to my gut. “God”, I asked quietly as I walked to the feeder, “what do You want there? Oh, and God, we’re out of money….” Instantly, He flashes the answer in my mind in the form of the picture that we now know as our Courtyard of God.

Mark loved the idea and, in a strange act that I felt was not often performed, he said, “I’m just going to throw it in because you’ve done so much with me…” Inside, I am beaming at these words. Not only God’s design, but fully paid for by some heavenly account. I quietly pray for Mark to be blessed…

God has created much of the house because we involved Him, asked Him continually and deferred when His choice was different than ours. I have many stories of His decorating prowess, but for today as children in His household, I realize how much like our Father we are. He didn’t stop creating on the 7th day. He is creating now, through those that “have an ear” and in those that allow themselves to be shaped by His potter’s hand He creates growth and potential. Can you imagine how it feels to inhabit a sacred space that He has had so much involvement in?

If you read the Old Testament at all, you will see how precise He has proven Himself in the past in creating temples and sanctuaries. He is detailed to minutiae and will put any good designer to instant shame; not because that’s his desire, but because He’s just so incredibly spot on. He has the eye. He has the touch. And since we are His blood, so do we! It feeds our spirits to create. It is when I feel my happiest...

So weekends that used to be defined by relaxation away from home are now giving way to relaxation being delivered at home through creating beauty. Hard work? Yes. Exhausting and grimy? Oh yes. But somehow, our spirits are fed every bit as well as if we were deep in the forest discovering waterfalls and reveling in nature’s purity and innocence.

Maybe it’s because we never really took ownership of Adytum. We know we are but stewards and caretakers, much like the Native Americans, even though our name is on the deed, the garden is God’s. We nurture her and encourage her into coming into her own now, and she will nurture us in turn later in her maturity.

In my own maturity, I am learning that things change. Definitions change. Ideas change. Just as Ryan cut a fresh path in an area I would never have considered cutting one, I must cut new paths into old habit patterns and ways of being. Just because weekends in the first decade of our marriage involved “away” doesn’t mean that, halfway through our second decade it has to mean the same thing.

My friend, Jerry, would call that being a “realist”. “If the winds change,” he says, “adjust your sails!” In other words, stop fighting life. It might surprise us to know that when we do, the greatest satisfaction comes rushing in just in an unexpected form.

We are discovering how very much we need to create. Monet had his canvas. Hart, his sculptor’s tools and studio and chunk of bronze. Other’s had the makings of famous cathedrals which stand today as a testament to man’s creative genius. Donn, I and others serve here at Adytum creating a Spiritual Retreat out of virgin forest land where arrow heads of obsidian still allow themselves to be unearthed from time to time. Working the land into garden rooms, ponds, walks and vista spots revitalizes us. How she does it, we don’t have a clue. Give to the land and she gives back to us fulfilling us like a weekend in the sun at a far off locale.

God is here. He’s been invited and His angels. This land is truly our bit of heaven on planet earth. We’re all in it together, making a garden and a place of peace. Even the animals feel it. “Donn, do you know I have a squirrel that likes me to water him? And some hummingbirds who call all their friends to play in the spray when they see me out watering the garden?” He laughs. Some call it Snow White’s garden where fawns come in close to nibble on the new grapevines…Well, there’s always next season for grapes...

For this season, before we put the land to a long winter’s rest, I am going to appreciate the refreshment these weekends spent working the land and sculpting her into a landscape worthy of a fine Monet. I am appreciating all the souls who have come to give labor here, and know they left with full heart and a mysterious spring in their spirit despite bodily fatigue. There is a hierarchy in the complex of body, mind and spirit. I think I am discovering the care and feeding of the spirit in these weekends at home.